


Stronger together.

by Maguiressunset



Series: Stronger together. [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 10:58:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13680318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maguiressunset/pseuds/Maguiressunset
Summary: She is a doctor, constantly working and away from her family. Her husband is a physical therapist. They try to build a family but sometimes life and work get in the way. As she strays away from her loved ones, Regina realizes that she needs a change. Robin knows to that he needs to be more patient. But is their love strong enough to survive this? Gift for the Secret Admirer 2018. Doctor AU. Modern Day. OQ





	Stronger together.

**Author’s note**

**First of all, I wanna thank Lisa for helping me out with reading the story and telling me what she thought of it all! It was a great experience to share this with her. Also thanks to Cath, Miles and Jan for giving me your thoughts about this. This story couldn’t be possible without every single one of you and everyone else that helped me out.  Finally I want to give a giant hug (and I am sure that I will, soon enough), to my cousin Pao to help me beta this thing! I should pay her for her lovely services!**

**Anyway, this story was specially written for Jen for the OQ Valentine’s gift exchange. It’s been a pleasure to write this for you, and I hope we keep talking after today, you seem like an incredibly sweet person.**

**If anyone has any questions or prompts or anything, please follow me on Twitter: @LmChandierBing**

**Thanks for reading, and enjoy!**

**.::.**

**Disclaimer**

**I do not own the characters displayed in this story.**

**.::.**

 

_Doctors spend a lot of time focused on the future._

_Planning it._

_Working towards it._

_But at some point, you start to realize, your life is happening right now, not after med school, not after residency._

_Right now._

_It’s here._

_Blink, and you’ll miss it._

_-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy, S5E24_

**.::.**

 

It’s two AM and she can feel it in her bones.

There comes a certain point in the day where absolutely everything aches and stings, where she can feel her muscles throb slowly with some sort of muted pain, and you’d think that after  years and years  of doing this, her body would become used to it, but it just doesn’t. Every working night, the pain in her back appears, the back of her legs ache with the same pain and her heels feel as if someone had stabbed them.

It is, frankly, exhausting.

 _Thank God for Robin’s amazing massage skills_ , she thinks as she heads to her locker room and throws her scrubs away and changes into a pair of black leggings and a green T-Shirt. It is the end  of January, so she also slips her favorite Robin hoodie on top of her shirt and zips up a big black jacket over it, finally finishing getting ready by slipping her soft, cotton boots over her feet. Her shift is finally over and this means she gets to go home and spend the rest of her weekend with her oh, so loving family. Being a doctor is never easy, she has to constantly balance her job with taking care of a family, her patients and even herself sometimes, (something that she fails terribly at, Robin is always scolding her for this, saying that for someone who takes care of other people, she doesn’t take care of herself at all). But Regina begs to differ. What if she forgets a meal one day or two? It isn’t likely to kill her. (She forgets to eat most of the time, but Robin isn’t at the hospital, so she will lie if this means he will be satisfied).

**.::.**

 

_“Is this how our life will be from now on?”_

_Robin had asked her, once, three months into their marriage. That week had been hell, rounds after rounds, patients after patients, and before she realized it, Regina Mills hadn’t seen her husband in a whole week. It was her first year as an intern and yes, it was a complete hell._

_“It’s just while I get adjusted,” she had said, and felt like there was a giant weight in her head, her eyes were blurry from exhaustion, but she wouldn’t bail on this conversation, it was obvious that Robin needed her. “Being an intern… It’s not easy.”_

They had fought that night, Regina remembers with a wave of guilt as she lays down right next to her husband, who is fast asleep on the bed. He had said that she never had time for him, and what was the point of a marriage if they never saw each other? That had been the first time in years that Regina thought that Robin and her wouldn’t work. She was away for too long, and he was getting lonely. There had been tears, from both Regina and Robin, and Regina begged, “ _please, please let’s not break this up just because my job is hell_ ”, and Robin had been crying too, he said he didn’t want to, and he understood how busy it was to be a doctor, but he just missed her, and just wanted her, at least once a week… A few hours, to hold her in his arms, or just go for dinner or something. Regina had agreed, it wasn’t fair for her husband that she was so damn busy with the internship and all. So from that moment on, Regina made it a priority to make time for her husband, any free moment she’d spend with him, even if it was just an afternoon.

Eventually they had gotten pregnant. A little baby boy, Henry with his hazel eyes and that chubby smile that Regina had fallen in love with. One night, as she put Henry to sleep in his tiny crib Robin wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder.

“Is it horrible from me to say that I am glad you haven’t worked in a month? I wish we could stay like this forever,” Robin admitted, then burrows his nose in her neck.

“I wish it too,” she whispered, but it was half a lie because she could never dream of giving up being a doctor or never becoming one at all.

Henry came, and three years later, another baby boy came to their lives, Roland. He had been tinier than Henry when he had been born, a mop of dark curls covered his head and had dimples like his daddy.

Regina was in love.

**.::.**

 

In the whole month of January, Regina saw her family not as much as she would liked to. Once for Henry’s birthday, once when Roland had gotten sick and well, he had been taken to the hospital where she worked in, and a few times after or before that, when things weren’t so hurried and she could spare one or two hours. But it was never enough.

But tonight was one of those nights when she was free, so she decided that she would spend it at home.

There was a giant weight in her stomach because she felt really guilty. When she arrived home that night, the kids were already asleep and Robin saw her with a raised eyebrow and he did not look pleased in the least.

“The prodigal daughter returns,” he says with a little scoff and Regina feels her heart fall to her stomach. He turns around and grabs a plate, putting it under the water probably an excuse to do something so he doesn’t have to look at her. He is angry, oh so angry and Regina cannot blame him even a little bit. Their little boys have probably missed her, and Robin missed her, and of course Regina did but this month was very exhausting with the constant cases she had and she couldn’t afford to return home.

Hot tears burn in her eyes but she swallows thickly, places her purse in the table next to the door and walks towards Robin, whose back is still facing her and she is glad he is not looking at her right now because she probably looks like hell, she hasn’t showered in two days, and hasn’t gotten a proper sleep in weeks. But she misses him, so much, misses her rock and the love of her life.

“I am _truly_ sorry, Robin… This month was so busy and before I knew it I hadn’t seen you and the boys in weeks,” One hand hovers over him and she has the need to place it over his shoulder but she isn’t even sure if he wants her touching him at all, so she takes her hand back and takes a deep breath. “I will take time off… We can take the kids on a vacation…”

At that, Robin snorts and places the plate in the sink and turns off the water, his hands grip the handle a little too forcefully.

“You think that will help?” His accent becomes deeper, more pronounced when he is pissed off. The man turns around to face her and Regina has to look down because the way she is looking at her right now is way too heavy for her to bear. “You think, a what? Four, five day vacation will make up for the three weeks you disappeared, Regina? You think Henry will suddenly forget you missed two of his soccer games or that Roland will pretend that he doesn’t cry for you every single night you’re gone?” He clenched his jaw a little bit and closed his eyes, probably wanting to calm himself down. Regina swallows thickly and bites her lower lip.

“You have missed so much of them… Why do you even want to take the kids to vacation? How would you even know where to take them? You don’t even know them.”

And that made Regina mad. Before she realized it, her hand was hitting the skin of his cheek and she gasped when she realized what she had done. One single tear escaped from her eye, she felt ashamed, and she felt angry, as she had arrived home with the hope that maybe she would kiss her husband and the next morning it will be family time but… It was a simple, foolish dream.

“How dare you?” She croaks, and her voice is rough, she can feel her body trembling with anger. “How dare you say I don’t know my kids?”

But is true. Deep down she knows it is true. She has missed a lot and it pains her, but she also doesn’t need Robin rubbing it into her face. Robin’s skin is red, and he lifts a hand to touch his skin and he just chuckles, shakes his head and sighs.

“Welcome home.” Robin glares at her one last time and turns around and proceeds to walk towards their bedroom.

**.::.**

 

The door slams shut and all Regina can think about is how, her precious marriage is slowly diminishing into dust and her heart breaks, can practically hear it cracking inside of her thorax and it is hard to breathe. She doesn’t even realize she’s crying until she brings her hands to her face and she feels it wet, hot and God, she felt tired.

This is horrible, this sucks and she wishes it would just stop. Where did her understanding and ever so patient husband go to? She practically didn’t recognize him, Robin used to be calm, and sweet and always could lend an ear, he was her rock and she always knew she could rely on him… But lately, it felt like all they could do is fight, and glare at each other and Regina couldn’t stand it anymore.

But then, again… She couldn’t really blame him, could she? She had practically been absent from her home for almost two weeks, hadn’t had a conversation, a _real_ conversation with the man, most times she could call Robin only to put the kids on the phone before they went to bed, and then when they were gone, she would say some kind of lie, excuse, and leave Robin hanging on the phone and although guilt was starting to consume her, she… She had a reason for this.

**.::.**

 

_….::::: THREE WEEKS AGO :::::....._

As the sun rose to the sky, it's blinding light shone into the man’s face, making it scrunch up in a grimace, _this isn’t the nicest ways to wake up,_ Robin thought as he internally groaned, remembering that he forgot to close the curtains the night before. But well, now his eyes were wide open, and he wasn’t _that_ tired so he thought he would just wake up now. His face turned to his right and he focused his gaze on the clock on the little table beside him. The watch said it was 6:15. Ah well, he hadn’t woken up that early, then.

He deactivated his alarm before he rose from bed and tried to ignore the empty spot on his bed that had now been completely cold and bare for over a week now. He swallowed thickly and bitterly, but tried to ignore the demons in his head telling him that he hadn’t spoken to his wife in a really long time. Sure, they would make greetings, he would tell her how the kids were doing and they would talk about something… Trivial, like the weather, or what happened this week at work and that would be it.

For weeks, it had felt like his marriage… Well, it felt more like an arrangement, rather than a peaceful communion they had both agreed to almost nine years ago. It hurt badly, the fact that they had so little intimacy, that they didn’t share as many laughs, as many secrets, as many hugs. But Robin tried to ignore it, and tried to comprehend that his wife was a busy woman and well, there wasn’t much she could do, and she was _trying._ He tried to convince himself, but lately he was failing.

She wasn’t trying hard enough.

Robin shook himself out of his thoughts and got in the shower, rinsed himself and dressed in his most comfortable black  scrubs, today he had patients to see. Being a Physical Therapist was a really nice and fitting job for him, he loved helping people and he could mostly have his own schedule, which made it possible for him to work, spend good money and have the time to see his kids… And wife, whenever she could.

Once he was ready, he went to Henry’s room to wake him up. His shaggy hair was too long, he thought, as he walked to the bed and saw the little boy resting on his matres, his little body was curled up in a ball and his mouth was slightly open. He couldn’t help but feel a wave of love for this little adorable boy, who looked so much like a sleeping angel.

“Hey, Hen, it’s time to wake up.” He whispered and stroked the boy’s cheek softly, once, twice until the boy stirred and opened one single brown eye.

“No school today, daddy.” Complained the almost seven year old, his lower lip curling into a small pout.

Robin laughed, leaned in to kiss his hair and stroked his arm up and down.

“What if I promise pancakes and  a big glass of chocolate milk?” Robin grinned, making his dimples thicken and with that Henry’s eyes opened wide and he almost looked excited. In less than five minutes, the boy was rushing into the shower.

After making sure Henry was okay and finally getting ready, the man walked towards the room next to Henry’s, and opened the door to reveal a Harry Potter themed room, with a small bed pressed against a wall and inside of said bed, a even smaller boy rested. Roland, his chubby three year old.

“Hey, Ro.” Robin hated to wake up the boy so early but today he had patients to see, so he needed to take the boy to childcare before he started work. As usual, the boy groaned, so much like Henry and complained about not wanting to wake up. Robin managed to give the same promise to Roland about pancakes and twenty minutes later, he had dressed up Roland, managed to tame his wild brown curls and had him sitting on the kitchen table, a glass of milk in front of him.

“Dad, is breakfast ready?” Henry rushed into the kitchen, and Robin tried to wave off the urge to scold the boy and tell him to not run when he is in the kitchen. Instead, he grinned and nodded, and then  he was having breakfast with his two boys.

**.::.**

 

Dropping Roland at daycare was always a fuss, the boy refused to leave his side every single morning, and he always had to deal with tears and promises that he would pick him up really, really quick. A small, very horrible part of him vaguely thought that this had to do with Regina…. As Roland got older, the more it seemed that the boy had some kind of issues.

Had his mom been so absent lately that Roland was starting to think that eventually he would leave him too? The sole thought made him shiver and shake his head. Of course Roland wasn’t thinking this, he was barely three, and three year olds simply _cry_ sometimes.

He tries not to think about the fact that Henry didn’t use to cry this much. In a matter of fact, Henry really didn’t do much crying in his toddler days, beside from those times he scratched his knee or arm… Or well, that time he broke his foot when they were skating last year.

He arrived to the clinic, and started therapy with his first patient. One wild redheaded woman that was too stubborn to do her own exercises at home and her therapy was going really, really slow but he tried not to show his annoyance, after all he was being paid for this, and if the woman would like four months of therapy instead of two, well, it was on her. After the redhead, two other clients arrived and then it was time for lunch.

He had something in the clinic’s fridge, he would warm it up and eat it in the thirty minutes he had free before his next therapy. He was in his way to do exactly that, when his phone rang, it was his eleven o'clock patient, apologizing profusely and saying he had something to take care of, so he would reschedule his therapy to next friday.

Ah, well… It seemed Robin had suddenly earned two full hours of… Well, doing whatever he pleased.  Maybe he would go for actual lunch…. Or, he would go to the mall and finally buy that jacket he had seen a few weeks back… Or he could pick Roland from daycare and take him for ice cream, or something.

Robin thought about his options until something came to his mind. He could text Regina… Ask her what her plans for lunch were… Maybe she wasn’t busy today. Dragging his lower lip between his teeth nervously, Robin grabbed his phone and typed a simple text and hoped that she would respond. But normally she took a few hours to respond, so who knows.

_Hey, you busy?_

He then decided that maybe it would be better if he called. He dialed her number and the call was quickly cancelled. Maybe her phone was dead…. Maybe she was free.

Well, it couldn’t really hurt if he went to the hospital just to greet his wife, right? Maybe she would be grabbing lunch and they would have a quick chat, maybe he would realize that everything he had been thinking about his marriage was all in his head. Maybe he could convince her to spend the weekend with them. Feeling good about this decision, Robin grabbed his keys and drove towards Seattle Grace  hospital.

**.::.**

 

“I think I saw your husband in the waiting room,” Meredith said distractedly as she grabbed her iPad and typed a few things. Her long blond hair was wrapped up in a bun and her lower lip was now stuck between her lips. Regina frowned and tilted her head to one side.

“Robin? Strange… I thought he had patients today,” Regina shrugged and stuffed one hand inside of her pocket to grab her cellphone, to check for any texts and that’s when she realized the phone was completely dead. Groaning, Regina rolled her eyes and decided that she would go to the waiting room, just to check if Robin was truly there. “Oh, I’ll just go--” she was interrupted by a nurse calling her name. Code blue, one her patients was now in cardiac arrest and Regina wasted no time running to the room and tried to resuscitate the person.

And after that, Robin left her mind completely.

**.::.**

 

“Hello, excuse me. I am looking for Regina Mills. She works here and she's not answering her phone. Could you please tell her that her husband is looking for her?” He grinned at the person, he was guessing a nurse, and made sure that his dimples were fully showing. “Please.” The nurse just smirked and nodded, and went to her way to look for his wife.

Sighing softly, Robin sat in one of the chairs of the waiting room and leaned his thorax over his legs, his elbows now pressed against his legs. He guessed he would just wait for his wife to come around. He had time, after all. Getting a little bored, he took one of the magazines on the table beside him and shuffled a bit, page after page, note after note.

“Robin?”

A female voice interrupted him and he quickly directed his blue eyes to a brunette in front of him. His heart leaped in surprise, his eyes opened wide to the person that was standing in front of him, he thought he would never see her again.

“Marian! Oh my God!” Robin placed the magazine he was previously reading back in its place and stood up to embrace his long lost friend. He was truly happy to see her, they had been best friends all the way from High School to college.

“Wow. I thought you had moved to Maine!” Robin exclaimed and quickly pulled back to glance at her eyes, her face. She looked older, he hadn’t seen her since they graduated, but still as gorgeous as before.

“I did,” Marian confirmed with a little smile. “I did go to Maine… But well, life you know… Happened.” She rolled her lower lip between her teeth. She seemed a bit nervous and now that Robin had gotten past his initial shock, he noticed the dark bag under her eyes, and her eyes were a tad red.

“Well that’s great. I thought I would never see you again. How have you been?” Robin asked, smiling at the woman. He wanted to ask if everything was alright, but it seemed a bit…. Well, personal.

“I’ve been.. Fine,” she chuckled softly, and even Robin could tell it was a bit fake. “I’m… I had a son.” Marian confessed and he saw how her brown eyes sparkled with happiness.

“Oh that’s fantastic. I have two myself.” Robin tilted his head at one side. Marian was strong, she had always been strong but even now, even here after years of not seeing her, Robin could see  that there was something _clearly_ bothering her. “What’s his name?”

“Carlos,” she grinned, “Like my dad. But we call him Charlie. How about you? How have you been?” Marian asked.

“I’m.. Great, too. My wife works here, I just came to see her.”

Marian nodded, sighed and then smiled. Robin still wanted to ask what was bothering her,  but well he wouldn’t really push her.

“Well, I should get back, it’s been great to see you, Robin truly.”

“Maybe we should meet up… You know if you have time?” Robin asked, raising one eyebrow. “To catch up on what has been going on with your life.” Marian nodded, seemed a bit hesitant at first but she then gave him her number and then she said again that she needed to go.

“Alright, I won’t hold you up any longer.” Robin said softly and beamed widely at the woman, who smiled back at him. They shared one lasting hug and Robin then realized how much he had missed his best friend, and part of him wondered why he hadn’t tried harder to keep the connection.

“I’ll see you soon.” Marian pulled back and squeezed his arm for a second before she walked away.

Unknown to him, right in front of them, but a few feet away, Regina Mills was staring at the couple, who were having one very… Very intimate moment and a wave of some kind of ugly emotion enveloped her body, the pit of her belly and made her scowl.

 _You’re being so stupid, Regina._ Her brain whispered.

Was it terribly selfish that she was feeling envious of a woman hugging her husband?

She couldn’t remember the last time Robin and her had hugged like that. They were always rushing, always putting one thing before them. The kids and work took all of the time, and there was not a single moment for couple intimacy.

And it hurt like _hell._

Regina shook herself out of her initial shock and wave of emotions, walked towards her husband but in that moment he picked up his phone and in less than five minutes he was rushing to the entrance of the hospital.

Oh, well. Maybe another time.

**.::.**

 

Carlos García.

That was the name of her next patient, she noticed, as she scrolled on the iPad, looking at the chart of the patient. She always felt so bad when they were this young… A little boy,  barely five years old, in need of a whole new heart. They had gone to several doctors already, and Regina was their fourth one. She hoped she could help him, she had a soft spot for children.

She walked inside of the room to notice a black-haired boy with blue eyes staring at the TV. He was so, so young, and so adorable… And he was dying. The curls reminded her of Roland and her heart squeezed inside of her chest.

“Hey. Are you Carlos?” Regina asked in her sweetest voice and smiled encouragingly.

“Yeah.” his little voice replied, and he tried to sit on his bed.

“Oh, hey don’t move okay?” Regina walked next to his bed and looked down to him, one hand rested on his upper arm. “I am Doctor Mills, but you can call me Regina.”

“Hey, Regina… Are you my doctor?”

“I am.” she confirmed. “Is your mom or dad around?” She asked, noticing that he was alone in the room. Strange, all parents were mostly here all the time.

“My mom went to get me some water.”

She was about to say something, when she heard the door opening and she turned around to notice a woman rushing into the room.

“Oh, God. Sorry I’m late.” Regina started shaking her head, when she noticed… She realized, that the woman walking inside was no other than the woman her husband had been hugging in the lobby. The same wave of jealousy swirled in her veins, she had to look down for a second to take a deep breath. “Are you Doctor Mills?”  The woman asked.

 _And for fuck sakes, Regina. Get over it._ She scolded herself, placed her most professional face on and looked at the woman in the eyes, nodded and smiled, but it felt a little tight.

“They say you’re the best.” Marian complimented and Regina’s heart warmed.

“That I am.”

**.::.**

 

She shouldn’t be so jealous of a women hugging her damn husband, she shouldn’t be so envious about the fact that Regina hasn’t hugged her own spouse in what feels like a lifetime. The last time they had been well, intimate, had been in New Year’s eve. That night had been spent at David’s. The kids were sent to Anna’s for babysitting, and Robin and Regina spent an entertaining night together, along some other friends.

In retrospective, that night had been one of the few nights were Regina and Robin had had fun together, had actually acted like a couple. Between kids, and jobs there was hardly any time left for the couple to interact. That night, there had been drinks,  chatter, laughs, and all sort of games. Before either one of them had realized they had been really, really drunk, giggling about the most stupid of things. Some way or another, (Regina is pretty sure they called an Uber around 3 AM), they finally got home, and very quietly, (she hopes- She didn’t want to be embarrassed in front of her neighbors), went into the bedroom… Regina doesn’t really remember much, only waking up with a terrible headache and completely tangled between the sheets while  pressed against her husband’s chest.

So, yeah. The last time they were intimate Regina cannot even remember and that’s actually quite painful. But it’s almost February and they haven’t even really spoken. So, after leaving Charlie’s room, Regina finds her phone and her charger and in a free moment she calls Robin.

She waits and waits for him to pick up but he doesn’t, so she thinks he might be busy… But the kids are still in school, so what’s keeping him? Maybe a patient?

Ah, well.

That night, Regina spends at the hospital but she doesn’t sleep.

**.::.**

 

The next time Regina sees Robin, is at the hospital’s cafeteria and he is sitting right in front of Marian. The usual wave of jealousy washes over her, simmers in her veins and flows through all of her and makes her face morph into a deep scowl.

_Calm down._

She whispers to herself.

_They’re probably friends._

_If they are just friends then why hasn’t Robin told me about her?_

_Snap out of it, Regina. If they were having an affair they wouldn’t do it in the place you work in._

_Then why the fuck does he come here so often to see her?!_

_Robin is allowed to have friends, Regina._

She shakes her head, now her stomach feels queasy, she’s no longer hungry, so she turns around and decides to leave.. She has a lot of paperwork to do, after all. Ignoring the steaming mood she now possesses, Regina walks towards the door and decides to ignore this. If Robin has something to tell her, if he is coming to see her, then he would find her. He has her number, he has, well, he has plenty of ways to reach her.

“Regina!”

The woman’s heart stammers inside of her chest and she turns around to notice a very nervous looking Robin in front of her. When his face morphs into concern, does Regina realize that her eyes are burning, and that she’s biting her lip hard, as she tries to keep her emotions in check.

“Is everything alright?” Robin asks, quickly lifting his hand to touch her soft cheek and Regina instantly leans her face into his hand, and she hates herself for how attention-starved she seems to be. Quickly she steps back, clears her throat and gives him one tight-lipped smile.

“Yes, everything is okay,” she lies through her teeth and Robin gives her one _I don’t buy your shit, Regina,_ look. “It’s been a long day, that’s all.” At least that’s not a lie.

“Oh.. Well. I- I just came here to visit a friend.” He says with one little smile of his own and looks behind him to wave towards Marian and then turns back to Regina. “His son is hospitalized.”

“Yes, I’m aware.” Regina states with an air of almost anger, of course she knows. Her son is her patient, and she saw them together the day before, hadn’t she? “Carlos. He’s five, cardiomyopathy.”

Robin nods.

“Didn’t know you were the doctor. I hadn’t asked,” Robin frowns at that, “But of course you are. You are the best cardio-thoracic surgeon in the country.” He grins. “Is he… Is he going to be alright?”

Regina grimaces.

No. Carlos is not going to be fine. His heart is too weak, too sick. He can’t breathe properly and his fevers are too difficult to control as of now. If they don’t find a heart soon enough, Carlos will suffer one long and very, very painful death. And his mom will be crushed, and Regina can see how attached Robin is too, and he will be crushed too.

And then, Regina herself will be incredibly sad, because she couldn’t save the little, innocent boy.

“He’s…” she bites her lower lip, and swallows thickly. She doesn’t like lying, and she doesn’t lie to Robin, not really. “He’s… I am keeping an eye on him. I will try my best to make sure he is fine.” And that’s a promise. But Robin can read through her words and his face falls.

“He’s not going to make it.” He says with a sigh. Regina then places her hands on his cheeks and strokes them softly. She has always liked stroking his skin, his scruff. It always made her feel some sort of comfort… Only then, when Regina is so close to him, that she can feel his breath and his warm, does she realize how much she misses him. She misses his voice, he misses his hugs and she misses his laugh, his words of comfort and love, misses his kisses, misses every single part of him.

“There’s still hope.” Regina promises. Because hope is the last thing that dies.

Her pager rings and she curses the world. But she must get back to work.

As usual.

“I need to get back.” Regina croaks and she feels terrible. She can never have one conversation with him without getting interrupted.

“Yeah.” The moment has been broken, Robin has pulled back and now is avoiding her eyes. He must be tired of Regina walking away, and she really cannot blame him. “I’ll see you soon, I guess.”

She nods, is about to turn away and leave but… She misses him, and he’s her husband, so she grabs his hands, pulls him back to her once again and presses one long and sweet kiss on her lips.

“I miss you.” She whispers.

And then she’s gone.

**.::.**

 

Carlos is discharged after three days, and it breaks Regina’s heart. But there’s not much they can do. He’s on the transplant list, one of the highest names in there he is high priority but as long as they don’t have a heart, there isn’t much they can do for him at the hospital. He is... Stable. If he has his medication, his fevers will  be less intense. So with all the pain in her heart, Regina tells Marian that she will call her as soon as they find a heart that matches her son.

Marian thanks her, but there are tears in her eyes and Regina’s heart squeezes in her chest. The woman is in a lot of pain, she can see how badly she’s struggling and she aches for the woman. If Roland or Henry were in this position… Well, Regina would  be crushed. Marian is really, really strong.

She kicks herself mentally for even thinking in the first place that there was something between her and Robin. Robin was merely being supportive… Right?

**.::.**

 

 _They spend way too much time together_ , Regina thinks one afternoon, as she sits on one of the couches at the attending’s launch and opens up her Subway. Robin had texted her fifteen minutes ago, telling her that he would be spending the day with Marian, since it was Saturday and the boys were free.

_Marian doesn’t have any friends here in Seattle, so I thought I would bring the guys to her apartment and hang out. They’ll meet little Charlie._

Regina’s mouth had curled into a deep scowl and the same wave of anxiety and jealousy ran through her mind, made her stomach queasy.

_Alright, have fun._

But these texts have been frequent, and they come and go every three days. _We’re going to visit Charlie.... The kids wanted to teach Charlie some chess.... Marian needed a friend, so I am spending the night at her place, the kids will have a sleepover._

It’s frankly, endearing… Her family showing so much support to another troubled family… It warms her heart.

And then once, again, she slapped herself internally because her Robin was incredibly kind man and there was absolutely nothing wrong with him spending time with a friend that wasn’t having a really good time. She needed comfort, and she needed people to be there for her, she needed a group support to get through this… And more importantly, Marian needed a good friend to be there just in case Carlos didn’t make it.

(The thought of the little boy dying makes her take a deep breath, makes her feel even more of that anxiety, and suddenly her sandwich doesn’t look as delicious as before).

There is something about that little boy that remind her, oh, so much of Roland. The brown curls, his small stature and the way he smiles. They might not look alike, but the sweet behavior and how incredibly adorable they both are make her feel so much sympathy for Charlie. She is not supposed to get attached to patients, it’s not good for her mental health but damn, that little boy had Regina wrapped around his little finger  and Regina is sure that if the boy passes away, she will be really, really disappointed.

But alas, there’s not much she can do. She can give him meds for the pain, and she can give him a little more time but surgery after surgery is only making him weaker, more tired. He might smile, but Regina can see through it all. The boy is trying to be strong for his mother.

That afternoon, Regina cries.

Because this is becoming too much, and this case is too hard and she genuinely believes that Robin is falling out of love with her. He smiles, but doesn’t grin when he sees her. That gleam in his eyes has disappeared long ago and all Regina can feel is… Indifference. His indifference. Something changed, and Regina wants desperately to fix it.

Later that day, when Regina is sure that Robin is back at the house, Regina drives and drives until she is parked outside her home and she, for the first time over a week, tucks both Henry and Roland in bed. She cries a little bit more when they’re both asleep, they look so gorgeous and so angelic, it makes her heart ache.

She misses them.

Misses them fiercely. She tries to stop her sobs, but she is unable, and she doesn’t want to wake them, but wants to stare forever, wants to see their little faces when they sleep, how they twitch, how they smile in a dream. But the more she stares, the harder the sobs come, and she realizes what is happening.

Regina is having a panic attack.

Taking a deep breath, she walks out of the room as quietly as possible and she locks herself in the bathroom. Her back slides down the wall, her knees are bent, and her face is hidden inside of her legs. She cries, and cries, and thinks about how she royally fucked this up. How she is missing so much of her family because she is always at work, and hardly ever sees them.

She thinks about how little she knows them… No, that’s not true. She knows them, knows their favorite color and their favorite cartoon, knows that Henry loves when his papa reads to him before bed and knows how Roland likes to dance around the house in the mornings.

She knows how Henry broke his arm and he cried and cried and Regina cuddled up to him for two whole days straight, and she knows that Roland won’t go to bed unless he has drank one glass of water and Robin has sung to him a lullaby.

So really, she knows them… The important things.

But there are small things, that might seem trivial but it aches that she had no idea about these little things.

 _Roland decided he doesn’t like pepperoni in his pizza,_ Robin says one night when she surprises them with two big boxes of pizza. And she curses herself for not even knowing. Or how she didn’t know that Henry decided he would rather do football rather than baseball last week, or how Roland suddenly started loving taking baths, when merely a month ago he would scream when she -or Robin,- tried to bathe him.

Regina cries as she sits in the bathroom floor. She sobs,until her face feels hot and her chest hurts.

She doesn’t realize when Robin walks into the bathroom, looks at her with pure concern and love, his heart aches to see his wife so broken and sad. He sits beside her but Regina won’t look up, no she can’t, she is too ashamed, and she is in too much pain.

Robin sighs.

“Oh, my love.”

And before she realizes what is happening, the man wraps his arms around her and he starts stroking her back up and down, hugs her fiercely and lovingly, can feel his lips pressing against her scalp.

“It’s alright,” he mutters, but never lets go, just pulls her into  his lap until her sobs die out and she falls asleep in his arms.

The next morning, Robin wakes up to an empty bed.

**.::.**

 

….:::: THREE WEEKS LATER ::::....

_“You have missed so much of them… Why do you even want to take the kids to vacation? How would you even know where to take them? You don’t even know them.”_

Robin’s words echoes in her head over and over. She stares at the door Robin has just slammed and her mouth is slightly open, her eyes are so blurry from the tears that gathered there and she can practically listen to her heart _crushing_ inside of her thorax.

She’s angry at him, pissed, how dare he say that she doesn’t know her children?

_She fucking doesn’t, does she?_

Taking a deep breath, Regina walks to the bedroom and turns the doorknob and she is relieved to see that is unlocked. Well, that’s gotta mean something right? Regina groans in anger and walks inside and finds a very exhausting-looking Robin on top of the bed, one arm is covering his eyes and his other arm is right next to his body.

“I don’t want to fight.” Robin says shortly. He stands up and grabs a pillow. “I’ll sleep with Roland, if you’re staying for the night.”

“No.”

She’s done. She needs to speak and she needs to let everything out. She has been absent but he also has been indifferent towards her.

It takes two to tango, after all.

“No?”

“No. We need to talk.” Regina confirms and Robin sighs, nodding and goes back to the bed, sitting on the edge of the matres.

“I’m tired, Regina.” Robin says and tilts his head. And only then Regina realizes that his eyes are bloodshot and the usual glint on them is gone and replaced with so many emotions that it makes Regina’s chest explode in pure pain. “I’m tired all the time.”

She stands right before him, biting one of her nails because she knows that if she speaks she will burst out crying, she will… She will be crushed.

“I know I haven’t been the best of wives out there lately, and for that I apologize, Robin… You know how it gets, and this last month has been so hard, you know how tough Charlie’s case has been.”

A sigh.

“I understand, I do. Of course I do… And I appreciate everything you’re doing for Charlie, Regina. Marian is so grateful for you, and I am also so grateful… You’re an incredible surgeon, you’re an extraordinary person,” Robin stands from the bed and walks to her, lifts one hand to rest on her cheek. “You’re splendid… The way you care so much about people is something that I have always admired of you. You’re compassionate, and you’re kind, and that’s why you are one of the best doctors in the country.”

Regina is not bothering to hide her tears anymore, they flow on her cheeks and fall on the floor, her hands are fidgeting on her sides and she has no idea what to do with them. This feels like a break up, Regina can feel it in the air, her mind screams that this is the end, that this is Robin’s way to let her go, to tell her he has had enough. She smiles a little, because Robin’s words warm her chest, but it is quickly removed when Robin’s face shifts into a grimace.

He is trying not to cry, she notices.

“I apologize for what I said earlier,” her husband continues, and Regina doesn’t move, doesn’t want to lose that hand on her cheek, “Of course you know our children. You know them better than anyone… They love you, oh so much. And I see how hard you try to be with them, how hard you try to make them happy, and that’s beautiful of you… You spend all of your free time with them, you make time for them. You’re not perfect, far from it, but you’re human, and I see how much you’re struggling.”

Robin finally lets his hand fall from her cheek, but he doesn’t take a step back, simply looks at her, and he smiles through his pain.

“I love you,” he says with a smile, “I love you more than I have ever loved anyone-besides our children, of course. You put me back together when I was broken, you made me see stars when in my life there was only darkness.” He bites his lower lip for a second, “You’re the love of my life, Regina… But I don’t think I am yours.”

Regina’s heart jumps out from her chest, she stifled a sob with her hand, because how dare he, how dare he say those words, what is he even trying to say. She shakes her head, over and over but words fail her.

“The love of your life is medicine. The love of your life is our children, and I can’t really blame you… You make time for our children, and you make time for your job… You even make time for friends. But you never make time for me, not anymore.” He swallows thickly, his blue eyes are filled with tears but he only shushes her and strokes her arm.

“You keep… Walking away, every time you can… And it’s making me miserable. I love you, Regina. But I need to know, I _must_ know, if somewhere along the way, you fell out of love for me, if you feel like this marriage is going nowhere, if you feel like I am suffocating you, you have to tell me. You have to let me go. Because, Regina, you’re the love of my life. I am not letting you go. I can’t do it. But if you don’t want this… Please, please, I am begging you,  let me go.”

Her chest is constricted, she feels like she is going to pass out… She is going to die, right here. Because words are the sharpest of knives and Regina feels like she has been stabbed a thousand times. Her knees are weak and her whole head is speeding. She is dizzy… And she just wants to… Cease to exist.

She had no idea this is how Robin felt. She had been so wrapped up in her own mind, thinking that Robin was having an affair that she failed to notice that he had been the one drowning the whole time. He had, perhaps, found a friend in Marian, a friend when he had nothing left and she had internally accused him of cheating, of betraying her.

This man loved her more than anything. He loved her more each day and she had been a selfish idiot.

How could she miss this? How could she miss his pain, his sorrow? How could she be so selfish that she had completely ignored her husband’s pain. Her own sorrow blinded her, her own pain made her see things that were never there in the first place.

It’s  been a long moment, and Regina hasn’t answered, she can’t stop crying, she can’t do anything but sob into her own hands. There is no one to hug her, and no one to comfort her. But Robin has turned away, probably to hide his own tears.

“Robin…” Her voice is hoarse, but she can’t let him go. How could she? For a long time he was the reason she even wanted to wake up in the mornings. Her phone then decides to kill everything and it goes off.

And she can’t ignore it. It’s the ring that tells her that there’s an emergency at the hospital.

“Don’t you dare answer that.” Robin’s angry voice returns and he turns to face her, his eyes are like daggers. “You said you wanted to talk.” His voice is so broken, and he looks like he is in so much pain. She hates herself in this moment… Hates the fact that she can’t ignore her phone, hates the fact that she can’t drown the inner voice in her head telling her that she’s needed elsewhere.

The place where people are constantly dying.

“I- It’s the hospital… I can’t ignore it,” she avoids his eyes, but she doesn’t miss how he groans, in anger and probably pain, he kicks the bed, grabs a book from the nightstand and angrily throws it to the wall. The wall he shares with Roland.

Regina had forgotten how volatile Robin could be when angry.

Right after Robin throws the book to the wall and it makes a really big noise, there’s a loud cry from the next room and Robin grimaces.

Roland’s up.

“Don’t bother. I’ll go.” He answers shortly, and for the second time in the evening, he leaves her alone in the room and slams the door shut behind him. She wants to follow, but the phone keeps ringing and ringing and she can’t ignore it.

Besides, it’s better if Robin takes a little time to breathe.

So, with no more hesitations, she swipes her finger across the screen and places the phone right next to her ear.

“Regina Mills speaking.”

**.::.**

 

Robin flees the room and walks towards Roland’s and when he places his hand on the metal doorknob, he notices that his hands are shaking. In a matter of fact, his whole body is shaking. He feels like he is going to pass out, like he had just broken up his marriage… Over a decade of smiles, and laughs and tears and complete joy.

His marriage is over, and it hurts like hell.

He had opened up to Regina in a way he hadn’t opened in a long time and all Regina could do is answer her fucking phone… Not even when they are having a serious conversation can she forget about her stupid job for a single second. It doesn’t mean anything to her, he realizes, their marriage finalizing is probably something freeing for her… She will now be able to do whatever she pleases without feeling like he is being an annoyance.

Robin suffocates a sob and places his forehead over Roland’s door and he cries, very quietly, because he doesn’t want to be heard. He only feels like falling to the floor and crying his eyes out, he feels like getting drunk until he passes out.

“Daddy!” A voice interrupts his thoughts and then he remembers what he came to do in the first place. Roland woke up thanks to him. Robin opens the door and smiles as best as he can and walks to the little boys’ bed and strokes his curls.

“Go back to sleep, my boy.” Roland looks groggy and sleepy but with just a few strokes of his hand against the toddler’s back, the child has gone back to sleep in seconds.  Robin is just raising up from the bed when he listens to the door opening, and he sees Regina walking inside, and she… She is smiling.

She is smiling like she got the best fucking news of her life and it makes him angry. She’s probably happy to be out from this marriage.

“They found a heart for Charlie.”

**.::.**

 

Her head is against the pillow, her eyes are closed but she doesn’t sleep. She only pretends to sleep, pretends to be happy for the sake of her dying son. Charlie, with his beautiful blue eyes and brown hair that make her heart melt. His skin used to be olive toned, just like hers but now it is an ugly pale greyish color, his lips are almost white and he spends most of his time sleeping.

He is dying, and her heart feels like it has been stabbed.

Her son fidgets in the bed, his brow knits and quickly she is by his side, stroking his face, stroking his arm. “Sleep, baby…”

Her phone rings and she sighs, exhausted. What is it now? More bills? More painful news about her son’s health? With tired and slow steps she grabs her phone and sees _Robin_ shining on the screen. Her heart leaps for a second and with no more hesitations, she pulls the phone in her ear and answers quietly, she doesn’t want to wake Charlie.

“Robin?”

“Marian… They found it. A heart, for Charlie. Regina is rushing to the hospital.”

Her life doesn’t feel as grim anymore.

“Will you… Will you be there?” She croaks.

“Always.”

**.::.**

 

“Charging.”

Regina places the palets right next to the heart, and prays hard to the God above that this heart will work, that his heart will make this sweet boy come to life. She takes a deep breath and stares at the heart, almost ordering it to beat.

“Clear!” The palets give one electric shock and Regina stares and stares, feeling almost frustrated that the heart remains still.

“Beat, damn it!” She groans and tries to remain calm and cool. She cannot lose herself in the middle of one of the most important surgeries of her life.

“Charging!” One hand slips to her shoulder, she looks to her right and stares at her best friend, Mal.

“Regina… He’s gone. You need to stop now.”

“No!” She screams and for a moment she hates Mal, she hates the fact that she doesn’t want to try harder.

“Regina, you already tried three times… The heart won’t work.”

The brunette’s eyes burn with hot tears, she glares at the blonde woman.

“I don’t need your negativity in my O.R.” She glares then, at the nurse and with a hard potent voice she commands once again, “Charging!” A beat, “Clear!”

_Please, God. If I ever did something good…_

Charlie’s brand new heart beats.

And Regina’s own heart starts pumping, too.

**.::.**

 

She feels tired as she walks towards the waiting room. She feels tired, but she also feels accomplished. If it weren’t for the fact that there’s an eternal sadness inside of her chest, Regina would be feeling actually genuinely happy and exhilarated. She just saved a little boy from a very painful death and she should be happier about this… But as soon as she left the O.R reality came washing over her mind like a splash of cold water and now everything she wants to do is cry.

She hasn’t eaten in hours, hasn’t rested in days and hasn’t even slept in weeks. But none of that matters, not if it means that she did something amazing for a little boy.

As she walks, she notices that Marian isn’t alone. One long arm is wrapped around her shoulders and she doesn’t even need to look at  the man to recognize who that is. She could recognize Robin’s muscular arms at every single angle possible. She swallows bitterly and morphs her scowl into a smile when she is close enough for them to notice her.

“Charlie pulled extremely well through the whole surgery. He now has a very healthy heart and looking forward to  many happy years ahead of him.” She grins, and tries not to notice Robin. Her gaze is fiercely locked in Marian, and she will avoid looking at her husband if that means she can dull her pain just a bit. “He is currently in recovery, but I am sure he will wake up soon.”

Marian grins, and then her brown eyes are lighting up and she looks like the happiest woman on earth, bringing two hands into her mouth to cover her sobs.

“Oh, thank you! Thank you!” The woman says over and over and Regina beams, because she can see how genuinely happy the woman is. The brunette grabs Regina’s hand and squeezes it. “You saved his life,” she whispers and Regina sees how tears run down her cheeks. “I will forever be in your bebt.”

Regina can only nod and smile, before she can say something else, Marian is turning away from her and hugging Robin.

Her mocha-toned arms circle around Robin’s waist, and she sobs into his chest and Robin… Robin hugs her back and smiles, one hand strokes her back and the other wraps around her body.

Regina’s eyes well up with tears, and she steams with anger and jealousy but above all, she aches with horrible angst, and sadness, and she doesn’t even notice Robin’s stare as she covers her mouth to stifle a loud sob and she runs.

Regina runs and runs until she finds herself alone, locked in a room and  cries her eyes out. It seems nothing she does deserves Robin’s attention… He was in another’s woman’s arms and he was probably happy, not caring that Regina’s insides were bleeding… She was in so much pain, and she just wanted it to stop, wanted for her eternal pain to just subside.

A panic attack is quickly rising up in her body and there's absolutely no way she can stop it. Her chest is painfully tight, she can’t breath, she can’t control herself as she throws things around in pure anger, she can’t stop herself as she screams and screams, can’t stop the tears, can’t stop her movements. She notices how the door opens and there are arms around her and she fights those arms, pushes them away.

She doesn’t deserve comfort, and she doesn’t deserve to be hugged or cared for.

She destroyed her marriage, and now her life is horrible, and it’s all because of her.

Her whole body is exhausted, she is not breathing, she is not thinking, her head spins and her body is too weak to stand… There are black spots on her vision, her screams finally stop but then her body gives out and she falls, and falls and then everything turns black.

**.::.**

 

There’s a soothing caress in her cheek, she likes how it feels, how the soft material slides on her cheek, her nose, then her other cheek… Then the caress moves her neck, to the back of her head, to the back of her neck, her shoulders. It is good, and comforting, and Regina doesn’t want it to ever stop. She is warm, and it feels nice since January has been too cold and she likes warmth.

Just like summer.

Warmth reminds her of the days spent with her father riding horses and making picnics in the patio. Warmth reminds her of hot chocolate, and thick sweaters. Reminds her of warm baths, of her children when they laugh and hug her. It reminds her of Robin, and the countless hours she has spent on his embrace as they talk and make silly jokes or simply make sweet love until sunrise.

Oh Robin.

With his dimpled smile and beautiful eyes that always look at her like she is the sun and the stars.

Robin… Robin….

Fuck, Robin.

Brown eyes snap open and she is suddenly very aware that she is in an hospital room, the smell of sterile floods her nose and makes her grimace.

What the heck is she doing here? She tries to move, the mattress under her is soft and comfy, but it suddenly feels like a rock as Regina’s fear starts to rise.

“Shh, love. You’re fine. Don’t try to move.” Robin’s soothing voice is next to her, and Regina only then realizes that his long arms are wrapped around her, and his lips are against her ear. “You’re in the hospital… You… You fell.” He says simply.

Regina swallows and looks at him.

The last thing she remembers is the transplant.. Giving Marian the news… The hug that made her see red and then…

“I had a panic attack,” she says to herself but Robin nods.

“I found you when you were screaming,” he confesses, then lifts one hand to stroke her hair, “I had no idea what was going on, and then when I tried to calm you down you passed out in my arms. Then you slept for fourteen hours in a row.”

Regina then grabs all of her courage and glances at Robin, who is looking at her with an adorable smile, and his eyes are glued to her face.

“So you decided to come and sleep with me?” Regina tries to tease, but it comes as weak.

“I was so worried… I hadn’t seen you having an episode since…”

Her father’s death, five years ago.

“I know… I don’t know what happened.” She lies.

“Your friends say you hadn’t slept in days,” he raises one eyebrow, “I think we all know the reason why.”

Regina grimaces but Robin shakes his head and presses his lips against her cheek.

“It’s all fine now, we’re all fine.”

**.::.**

 

The next time Regina wakes up, Roland is curled up to her chest. She has no idea when she fell back asleep, all she can remember is Robin making soft patterns on the skin of her arm before her eyes closed once again and she fell into a deep slumber.  But now she is up, she doesn’t feel tired anymore, she actually feels… Calm, something she hasn’t felt in a very long time.

She releases a little groan and looks down to notice Roland’s eyes closed, but his body is pressed tight against her and it makes her grin.

“You’re up,” She hears Robin’s voice next to her and her head snaps up to notice her husband looking at her with eyes filled with love and in his own arms there’s Henry, who is also asleep.

“What time is it?” Her voice is raspy, and it _almost_ hurts to use it.  

“Six PM.” He responds, shifting the boy in his arms to a more comfortable position for both of them, “David brought the kids here an hour ago, and they decided to take a little nap with you.”

She beams.

She wants to stay here with her little family for hours, wants to bask in joy and happiness, wants to just _not_ think about the fact that her marriage is very weak right now, and that also makes her wonder why Robin is here, protecting her, giving her love when he practically told her that he didn’t want do this anymore. That makes her scowl, and makes her stomach feel queasy.

She also remembers that she is a doctor, and she has things to do, responsibilities to attend to and patients to see. She tries to move, but Robin places a hand on her arm, preventing her from any movement.

“Regina you need to rest,” he says with a deep voice, firm enough for her to see that he is not going to let her do anything without help. “You haven’t been resting well.”

“I think I have slept enough.” She snaps, and it makes the toddler in his arms squirm.

“Regina…” Robin sighs and looks at her with a look that says _please stop being so stubborn._

The doctor then lets her head fall on the pillow and she groans internally.

_She needs to stop trying to run away._

“How’s Charlie?” Regina asks, and when she feels Roland moving in her arms, Regina starts rubbing his back, soothing him, making him go back to sleep. He doesn’t need to wake up quite yet.

“He’s very good. He has been really happy today, thanks to you. He has been asleep most of the time, but aside from that he is actually quite good.” Robin shifts Henry in his lap so he can reach for his wife’s hand. “Thank you, Regina. You just made a family very happy.” he squeezes her hand, Regina feels her throat tighten and then he lets her hand go and she misses him instantly.

“I should go check on him,  and my other patients too,” she comments, sighing and feeling guilty.

“They’re fine, love,  Mallory is checking on them. It’s all taken care of, and all you need to do is rest, okay?”

Regina does not like this, at all. But then again, Robin is right about everything. She needs to rest, she knows her patients are fine, she knows everything is alright. Mallory is an incredible surgeon, maybe even a better surgeon than her if she were to admit.

But she stills feels anxiety clawing in her chest and she groans.

She needs to calm down.

She also needs to eat, she thinks when she hears her stomach growling.

“If you’re feeling strong enough we can go home and order something,” Robin distracts her from his thoughts, “or we can go eat something in that little place you like and then we can go home.”

And resume the obvious talk that they _must_ have.

“I think we should wake the kids and go eat something rather than the hospital's shitty food.”

**.::.**

 

Robin Oliver Locksley is dead.

Dead. Gone. Cold and buried twelve feet below ground.

It was fast and quick, so that’s something Regina can thank? Be relieved about?

There are thousands of people hugging her, saying how sorry they are, but all she can feel is complete emptiness inside of her soul and chest. She aches with pain and fear that she won’t be able to raise two kids on her own. How is she supposed to do this, how is she supposed to wake up every morning and tell Roland and Henry that life goes on?

She can’t she feels cold and she feels like drowning, she can’t even breathe properly. And what is with all these people that came to the funeral but weren’t even close to Robin? They don't even know him. They don’t know how he used to laugh so much that tears would come out from his eyes. They don’t know how fiercely he  loved, they don’t know how beautiful, how gentle he was through all of his life.

But what is worse… Is that she never  got the  chance to tell  him that he  is, and  always will be, the love of her life. She never responded to what he said to her, she only stood still and ran to work and ran away from her own feelings. He will never know how fiercely, how deeply she loved him. Loved him so much that it made her impossible to breathe at times.

Loved him so much that her heart would speed at the sight of him… Of course Robin was the love of her life, of course she would give everything for Robin to be back, even if that including never becoming a doctor. How stupid had she been… Opting to go to work, rather than stay home with her children, with her husband.

Her boys are crying in her lap, begging to bring their daddy back and God, she has no idea how to calm them. Has no idea what to say, or do, to make them feel better.

She stands up and walks to the coffin, and there her lovely husband rests, his eyes closed, his hands entwined on top of his chest. He looks so beautiful, and so peaceful, his wrinkles are gone and he finally looks calm.

The worry lines on his face have disappeared, and instead her looks like a sleeping angel.

“Robin.”

Regina sniffles, and two tears fall from her cheeks to the coffin glass.

“Robin…”  Will the pain ever stop? Will she ever stop feeling this miserable?

“You didn’t even love him.” Regina turns around, to see Marian glaring at her. She looks angry.

“What?”

“You treated him like crap. You were horrible to him. You’re an horrible person, Regina.”

She feels anger, and she feels shame but above all she feels sorrow.

Millions of people start walking to her, yelling how horrible she treated her family, telling her that she shouldn’t be here. She starts running, running, and then Robin is on front of her, his face bloodied and his eyes are like daggers and then he walks to her, holding a knife and she is crying, begging for him to stop.

His knife is too close to her carotid artery, and then she waits for the pain to come, and it never comes.

Regina wakes up with a gasp, her sheets are wet with the sweat that is pouring from her body, she is breathing hard, her eyes burn with tears and she doesn’t waste any time to look at her husband who is peacefully resting right next to her. Regina sighs, relieved and brings one hand to his neck to feels his pulse and she finally breathes when she feels the blood pumping beneath her fingers.

He is alive.

He is alive and well. And sleeping right next to her and she couldn’t feel happier.

Not caring if she is going to wake him, her digits travel through his beard, stroking it softly, and thens he travels to his brows to his nose. His face scrunches up and she grins, he looks so adorable when he does that.

“Hmm.. Whts wrng?” Robin opens one single eye and looks at her. “You ‘kay?”

Her smile broadens and she nods.

“Yes… I had a nightmare.  But  go  back to sleep, I'm okay.”  Robin finally opens both of his eyes and looks at her with a sleepy glance.

“I’m up,” he sits up on the bed and wraps one arm around her. “What did you dream about?”

“It was stupid, really, just go back to bed.”

Robin looks once again at her, just rolls his eyes and sighs.

“Regina, are we ever gonna talk about what we talked two days ago?”

It’s been two days since… Since  he practically told  her to let him go to , to break up this marriage.. But she can’t do that. She loves him, loves him more than she has ever loved anyone, her heart beats for _him._ She can’t just let him go… She can’t and she won’t .

She will tell him how much he means to her, and if he still wants to leave, then… Then she will let him.

“I- I think we should.”

Robin as sweet as ever, grabs her cheek, and tilts his head.

“I _can_ live without you… But I don’t ever want to… You said the other night that you don’t think you are the love of my life, but Robin _you are._ You’re everything I ever hoped for, and then some more. You’re my sun… And the last few days apart have been complete hell for me.”

She talkes a deep, shuddering breath and asks what has been swimming through her mind for the past few days.

“Robin… Do you… Do you want to leave me?”

Robin frowns and even scowls slightly.

“What?”

“Because lately I have been feeling like you would rather be somewhere else rather than with me. I’ve been feeling so angry at myself for not trying to pull you back to me… But when I saw you with Marian… It felt as if you would be happier with her… You looked so comfortable with her.”

She rapidly shakes her head and positions one of her hands on top of his forearm and starts stroking.

“Please… Just let me talk.”

Shit. Has she screwed this up all over again?

“When I saw you with Marian it felt like… It felt like  you were slowly straying away from me. We haven’t had a moment like that in so long and it broke me. It made me feel weak and powerless, Robin, because all I ever wanted was to build a life with you, and be the happiest woman on earth and it just feels like I keep screwing this up, over and over… Eventually everyone in my life has gotten tired of me, or bored, or stressed and I thought… I thought you had reached your limit.”

She gasps, doesn’t want to cry but God, she is feeling so much and she is so broken it feels like she will never be able to pull herself back together, it feels like her life is practically over and she can’t bear this sinking feeling that everything she has worked so hard for is now completely gone.

“Regina,” Robin grasps her hands in his and she looks at her with pained, guilty eyes.

“I know that  everything I was feeling was on my mind, but God, it felt so real that it took my breath away every time. Every time I thought about you slipping away, it felt like a dagger was constantly stabbing me and I just… I just slipped away, because I thought that maybe if I were to leave, then it would hurt less. It would stingle a little bit less. But it didn’t, Robin, it only made me feel more horrible.”

“Regina, I am not having an affair…. But I… I _did_ kiss Marian.”

Mills’s heart then feels like it’s breaking into tiny little pieces, and the hand that had been wrapped around Robin’s slips away and she looks down, tries to keep her tears at bay but fails miserably.

“Wh- What? How?” Her voice is barely a whisper and she won’t look at him, she can’t not after his confession.

“It’s not what you think,” he sighs. “One night we had a sleepover, and then the kids fell asleep and so we just talked and talked and… Then she kissed me. I never saw it coming, I didn’t know what to do… I felt horrible I had no idea how to tell you.” Robin is now the one with a broken voice. “She kissed me, and it was barely a second but I did pull away.” His eyes try to find hers, and he is begging her, with one single and lone stare that she please, please look at him because he can’t bear this pain. “You need to believe me.”

There's a long moment filled with heart-wrenching silence

“Did you kiss her back?”

“No.”

“Do you… Do you want to kiss her again?”

“God no,” Robin reaches for her hand, then her arms, “No, Regina. The only person I ever wanted  is you, and only you for the rest of my life… She was confused, and sad, and she apologized over and over. Don’t take this against her.”

“How can I not?” She snaps and glares at the man. “How can I not hold a grudge when I was killing myself to save her son and she was kissing my husband when I had my back turned?” Tears blur her eyes and she pulls back until she is out of the bed, she can’t let Robin see her tears so she turns around and tries to calm herself.

“Regina, stop walking away,” he begs. “Please look at me.”

And she doesn’t. She can’t. If he wants Marian then by all means he should have her.

“Regina.”

She hears the sheets shuffling and then there is a hand on her shoulder.

“Please.”

But she was never able to deny him anything. She turns to glance at him, with red eyes and trembling hands.

“Do you want her?”

She is trembling in fear, in pain. She feels like Robin is finally going to confess that yes, indeed he has found love in someone else and now it is time to leave her. She may be the love of his life but that does not mean that she is right for him.

“Do you want an easier life? With a wife that can be for you all the time? Are you done with a complicated marriage?”

“I knew what I was getting myself into when I decided to marriage a stubborn woman that was studying medicine and had her heart set on surgery.” Thinking that Regina needs a bit of comfort, the husband strokes her arm up and down. “I will never get tired of saying this, I love you, and the only person I ever want is you.”

She rolls her lower lip between her teeth.

“When you hugged her… It made me feel so… Small and insignificant. I saved a little boy and you hugged _her.”_ She is shaking all over again, she is feeling the same thing she felt when she saw them being all cuddly and loving with one another. Relieving the whole thing isn’t helping her with her brimming anxiety.

“I know, I saw it on your face. I am sorry, Regina…. Was that the trigger of the attack?”

Regina shifts her gaze aside, too ashamed to admit that indeed, her wave of jealousy had been the last drop, had been the last thing to finally make her explode, to make her have a panic attack so big that she ended up sleeping for an entire day.

“It has been a rough week… A rough month.”

_A rough lifetime._

“I’m sorry, God I am so sorry.” Robin wraps his arms around her and presses her hand against his chest, her own arms wrap around his waist and she wastes no time burying her face into his neck and she smells his scent, drinks in his warmth. “I love you.” Robin whispers over and over again.

Regina can’t stop the tears anymore, she is crying hard into his neck, she is gripping him so hard that he is probably in pain but he does not complain at all. Instead rubs her back, kisses her scalp and whispers words of comfort.

“Oh my love… You should’ve told me what you were feeling.” Robin says, his voice is full of regret and Regina feels like a terrible person for making him feel this way when in the first place she was the one that pulled away from him.

“I couldn’t… I… I was, I _am_ so scared, Robin. You can’t ever leave me, okay? I can’t live like this, it’s horrible. I don’t ever want to live without you.”

“And you won’t.”

Once Regina is motionless in his arms, Robin leads her back to the bed, they are now face to face and his hand is making slow and tender patterns on her cheek.

“I love you, Regina.”

The woman beams and nods, rests her forehead with his.

“I know you do… But I also know, that you are angry at me. You might not be mad right  
now but I know that deep inside,” she lifts one hand and places it over his chest, “you’re hurt. Hurt that I have slipped away and I left you alone. And for that, I must apologize.”

He shakes his head.

“I should’ve been more understanding… What you did for Charlie… It was impressive.  
It made me finally see what you do on a daily basis, it made me realize that everything you do is out of compassion for other people… You don’t need to apologize for saving lives.”

“Perhaps. But I _must_ apologize for not trying a little harder to be in this marriage, for not trying to be stronger for us, for you. You’re a big priority in  my life and I should've tried harder to show you that.” She swallows thickly, moves a little bit closer to him.

“I thought that you simply had grown… Bored of this.  For a moment I thought that you were going to choose your work above all. It hurt… But I would have understood. I couldn’t ask more of you, you know? I only want  you to be happy, and at peace.”

“My peace and my calm is you, Robin.” She grasps his cheeks, “My happiness lays on you, and our children, and our home. I do love being a doctor, but I love being your wife even more.  I love being Roland’s and Henry’s mother and I love building this family.”

“But I know how much you love your job, and your patients… I am not giving you an  
ultimatum, Regina. I would never do that. All I ask… All I want is for you to remember me every so often,” he cracks a smile. “For you to remember that sometimes… Sometimes I want  and need you here with me in my arms. That sometimes I just want to spend the day with my family… Instead of just  brooding around with a bad mood because my wife and I haven’t spoken in days.”

“I am sorry for that,” she winces and takes a little space back because she feels suddenly like she is… She is actually quite a bad person for doing this to her husband.

“I never intended to make you feel like this, Robin. I think… I think a small part of me started taking you for granted. I am sorry. I didn’t mean.. I didn’t want any of this to happen…”

“I know. Thank you for apologizing. I am just glad that we are finally talking, rather than keeping everything to ourselves.”

Regina nods, agreeing. It feels good to finally be talking to him, to finally have some sort of normalcy in their lives after months of heart wrenching pain.

“And Regina?” Robin breathes out, her own head tilts to one side and she just  
glances to his blue eyes in a silent question.

“Next time… You have  one of those feelings when you see me with another person,  you must tell me. I don’t want you wandering around thinking that I am doing something horrible, I know how intense your anxiety can get, and we can’t have you having one of those panic attacks again, alright?”

“No more secrets or hidden feelings.” She promises. “We both need to communicate more with one another in order for this relationship to work,” she agrees.

They’re both tired, and it is probably four in the morning. Regina yawns, not wanting to end this conversation but it also feels good that they are finally talking, finally saying the things they both had been hiding for so long.

“Robin?”

“Hmm?”

“Please don’t kiss Marian ever again.”

Robin smiles and leans to kiss her lips, it’s gentle and sweet and it makes Regina’s heart flutter in a way it hadn’t fluttered in a really long time. She smiles into the kiss and position herself even closer to the man, one of her hands lands on his cheek, the other on his shoulder as they kiss and kiss, and Robin has now both of his arms wrapped around her. The kiss turns deeper, more passionate and hotter. Tongues  meet one another, and they don’t stop until they’re both breathless.

“I love you,” Regina whispers, her eyes are closed and her forehead is pressing against his own.

“And I love you even more.”

Her lips almost hurt from smiling so widely.

**.::.**

 

_Did you say it?_

_I love you._

_I don’t ever want to live without you._

_You changed my life._

_Did you say it?_

_Make a plan. Set a goal. Work towards it._

_But every now and then, look around. Drink it in._

_Cause this is it._

_It might all be gone tomorrow._

_-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy, S5E24_

**.::.**

 

_Epilogue, two weeks later._

_February 14, 2018._

Regina dreams of the sweet air of New Mexico.

Sweet, but oh so cold. It’s cold, but it’s not uncomfortable or bad, it feels nice to have her hoodie wrapped around her, over her shoulders there is a blanket and under her body there is one large, warm couch that spreads through almost the entire living room. In front of her, there is a chimney, slow flames dance before her eyes, music revolves on her eardrums and it’s all, pure heaven. She doesn’t want to leave. Ever.

Her little hut in the middle of the mountains is her happy, calm place and she couldn’t imagine being elsewhere. Here, where signal barely reaches so there are no annoying interruptions like her phone going off at random times, or people messaging her with stupid texts. No, Regina loves this place for the simple fact that it brings peace, inner peace that she craves so much and  hardly ever has. When her family and her are in New Mexico, it feels like an alternate reality where there are no arguments, everyone is just relaxed, sitting on the couches, lying in bed reading a book or just walking around the thick and chilly forest. She loves it there, with the quiet music that Robin plays and with the delicious food that the married couple love to cook.

New Mexico is peace, and it is heaven.

But only, she is not dreaming.

The kids, Robin and her decided to take a little vacation and it is the best decision they have made in a very long time. Regina stretches her body over the couch, then sits up to notice her children and husband playing a game on the floor. There are cars and trains all over the floor, markers thrown in random spots in the rug and she is pretty sure that she can spot an random diaper with the corner of her eye.

And funnily enough, none of this bothers her. Not the mess, not the fact that her kids are laughing so hard that it was almost impossible for her to have a proper nap. Because when she is with her family, she is hardly ever tired.

“Mamma! You up!” Roland’s little legs stand up from the floor and he runs to  hug her. “We playing race. Henny is winnings.” Regina notices how the older boy is looking a tad smug.

He’s her father’s son.

“Well then I should help you win over your brother and daddy, right?” Regina raises one eyebrow and Roland is nodding fervently, pulling on her hand so she walks towards the little group not far from her and sits with them.

“Mommy, can we have cake later?” Henry asks with an incredibly adorable voice.

She was never able to deny him anything.

“Of course, my little prince.” The woman reaches for his head to kiss both of his chubby cheeks and to tickle the side of his belly.

“No tickles!” The boy begs with a loud laugh.

Quickly enough, there is a tickle battle between the whole family that results in laughter and all of them falling to the floor with tummy-aches from the constant laughing and moving around. Regina’s heart swells with love for her family, and everything she has been missing because she was too focused on her job.

But now it is not the time to think about that. Not when Regina is stuffing her face in delicious, sweet, chocolate cake and Henry is making silly faces that make her want to scold him and laugh at the same time. But she doesn’t ruin the mood, instead laughs with him, with them.

The evening ends with more candies, popcorn and a movie. Robin and Regina are both cuddled in the couch, whilst Roland and his brother lay on blankets in the floor, next to one another.

Has she said how much she loves the fact that her boys are so united? They have such a unique and beautiful connection and friendship that Regina hopes will last their whole lives.

Henry yawns, and Roland follows seconds after. It is time for bed.

“Someone is getting sleepy.” Regina picks Henry up from the floor and cuddles him on her lap, watching his eyes flutter. Robin does the same with Roland, and the little boy instantly cuddles to his father’s chest.

“Mamma, can I sleep with daddy and you?” Henry’s eyes are half open but he is awake enough to pay attention to her response.

“Me too.” It seems Roland wasn’t asleep, either.

“Of course you can.” Henry grins, and so does Regina, who looks at Robin and they stare at each other with stupid smiles at one another, and for a moment Regina feels like a teenager with a crush and she’s not embarrassed about that in the least.

When the movie finally ends, Robin turns off the TV and Regina proceeds to pick Roland up (he’s lighter than Henry), Robin picks Henry and they both walk towards the room, and the four of them cuddle up in the bed.

It doesn’t matter that the bed is a tad small.

They sleep happily and peacefully, pressed against one another until the next morning.

Regina dreams of smiles and laughter, she smiles through her dreams, and her heart finally feels content.

For a small moment, everything is just fine.

**.::.**

 

_The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can’t pretend we haven’t been told. We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day._

_Still, sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug, until we can’t anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves, what Benjamin Franklin meant:_

_That knowing, is better than wondering. That waking, is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying._

  * _Grey’s Anatomy._


  * **.::.**




**Please let me know what you thought of the story!** **Reviews are welcome. :)**

 


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